Having never owned my own car, I have been a transit commuter for the last two decades or so. (I realize this makes me seem super old. I am not. Thirty-two isn’t super old, is it?) I have had to become familiar with transit systems in the four Canadian cities I’ve lived in and have become very well acquainted with all the types that make transit commuting one of the worst parts of my day. Without further ado, I present to you, the most annoying transit taking archetypes:
- Oblivious/Rude Music Listener. Perhaps the most ubiquitous of the TTA, everyone knows this person, blasting usually terrible music out of their headphones. These people usually will not make eye contact when you turn around in your seat and give them the death glare. In a subsection of this category, the loud cell phone conversation person. Bonus obnoxious points for talking on a headset or Bluetooth.
- Back Door Hangers On. Yep, just going to hang out right in front of the back door and be totally oblivious when you’re trying to get off. NBD.
- Standing Backpack Wearer. How many times have I been whacked in the face by some clueless standing backpack wearer? I haven’t actually counted, but it’s lots.
- Troglodytes. Why yes, I’m sure your penis is so big that you have to spread your legs so wide that one of them takes up half of the seat I’m trying to sit on. Thanks so much.
- Aisle Feet. No explanation needed.
- Trash Leavers. I never see these people, but all the nearly empty coffee cups and Metro newspapers tell me they exist.
- The Early Riser. The person sitting beside you who quickly stands up as if to say “it will be my stop in 5 seconds, get out of the way!” so you quickly put the bookmark back in your book, and awkwardly hold it to your chest, and position your purse strap so it won’t fall off when you stand up, and grab your lunch bag from the floor, and stand and get out of the way while awkwardly holding your stuff and trying not to fall. And then the person who was so desperate for you to get out of their way, stands at the back door while three stops go by.
- The Wait for It. Ok, maybe I’m the only one who finds this obnoxious, but you know those people who wrap their hand around the cord you pull to indicate you want to get off, and just hold it, gently, waiting until the moment they pass the previous stop so they can pull it immediately? Or, they hold the cord and for some reason have to wait until the bus starts moving to pull it? These people annoy me.
- Newbies. “Excuse me bus driver, is this the bus to this destination? Do I need to catch a different bus? Across the street? And transfer where?”. Obviously these people have never heard of the internet.
- Change Payer. Always one nickel short. How is that?
I could go on (the people who wait until the bus is totally stopped to get up and get off; the people who sit in the aisle seat and place their backpack on the window seat and then refuse to make eye contact with anyone getting on; the not so old people who are not enfeebled or frail or have mobility issues, but still believe they are entitled to sit at the front of the bus; the people who take the bus one stop….), but this is probably enough.